[25 Nov 2007|08:50am] I have made my choice. I will go back to Him. And that is final. Am I lesbian?

[16 Oct 2007|05:23am] Yes, it's painful. Fuck the tear ducts especially if people will never try to give a damn about you. Don't worry. I'll get over it soon. Just as it was for you. Am I lesbian?

[15 Oct 2007|02:10am] I passed. With a WARNING status. Yeees. Bobo me? Weeee. Am I lesbian?

[14 Oct 2007|09:37pm] Because Friendster blogs are currently fucked up, I shall return to this abode. I am thinking about going back here because Friendster blogs are just too..... common? Maybe I'll fix my layout here too. To make my blog seem like a proper eye candy. Hm, I want to make the word "funky" my stepping stone in tweaking this web log. On to other news... Yesterday I was pissed off by two girls. Yes, two girls. I am at the moment thinking about the damage they have caused and the damage they are about to face. Yeah. \m/. I don't usually bear grudges (Like what I said to Ginelle) but this time, I'll make them exceptions to my golden rule. And I don't usually take revenge to since that's "low" as most people put it. Why take myself down to that level right? Hm, I thought about it and I think it's proper entertainment. Hahahaha. Big big big guffaw there. Better watch your back, bitches. I want to start cussing but..... no thanks. I don't want to look uncivilized here. Harhar. What did they do to St. Paul?? I heard that the gym is going to have second floor?? Anu yun, gagawin nilang high rise building? Please. Ok din yung tennis court. Kala mo kung nasang bigtime clubhouse ka eh. Naalala ko yung nasa High School Musical 2 na pag-aari nila Sharpay. Kulang nalang may golf course na din yung St. Paul. Feeling ko kahapon parang nagiging mini construction area ang aking alma mater. I want to see how it would look like in the end. Geez. The gym should be done before the fair. Paano nalang ang concert? Or walang fair..... ? ------------------------ Go and smile, Bitches. :) Am I lesbian?

[13 Oct 2007|10:16am] Last post. I shall be moving now. Maybe I'll post where.  Or maybe not. Ahhh. I will post where. Here's a clue: It starts with an "e" and ends with an "e" It only has one letter, which isn't "e". There. :) I shall miss this this blog for it has served me well.  I'm thinking about deleting this but I'm not sure if that's allowed.  All in good time.  All in good time. Am I lesbian?

[09 Oct 2007|03:41pm] Ayoko ng nilalaglag.  At ayoko din ng pinaghihinalaan.  Wala lang. Gusto ko lang sabihin kasi nakakainis na. Am I lesbian?

[01 Oct 2007|11:13am] It's that feeling again. That you can't do anything but fail.  It's like you were meant to do good at failing that no matter how hard you try to keep things steady, eveyrthing would still crumble at your feet. I was confident during that exam.  I was breathing easy and everything was light.  I even had time to buy dinner and actually enjoy my food before the exam.  While everybody was panicking, there I was at McDonalds buying my meal #6.  I quit studying an hour before 7pm thinking that if I crammed everything, I'd end up as blank as I was before I started reviewing.   So I took the exam.  I consumed the whole 2 hours.  I was careful. I marked my unsure answers.  I skipped numbers if I was taking a lot of time.  I did everything I thought was right.  Ginawa ko talaga lahat dahil alam kong may masasagot ako.  At alam ko hindi ako blanko nung mga oras na yun, di tulad nung naunang dalawang exam na nakatanga lang ako.  Seryoso ako nun.  I actually used my scratch paper. But no. I got 21.  21 over 100.  19.5 ako sa multiple choice over 65.  0 out of 35 ako sa problem solving.  May 1 point effort.  Tapos ni-round off ni Sir.  Ayoko na malaman kung nasaan ang Divine Intervention dun.   Nakita ko score ko, natawa ako.  Stunned to the point na pinagtawanan ko na yung kabobohan ko.  Naramdam ko yung tiyan kong lumubog pero natawa pa din ako.  Natawa talaga ako, promise.  May lakas pa ako ng loob magtanong kung ano mga nakuha ng ibang tao.  Kahit yung fact na 7 lang yung pumasa, naramdaman ko pa din na sobrang bobo ko na. Akalain mo.  Yun ang exam na binuhos ko talaga yung confidence ko.  Pero sa lahat ng exam na kinuha ko buong buhay ko, yun ang pinakamababa.   Ano nararamdaman ko ngayon? Natatawa, manhid, desperado, malungkot.  Di ko na alam.  Ayoko nalang umiyak kasi may exam pa ako bukas. 2 sila. Chem 31 pa din at Math 73. Sa uulitin? Am I lesbian?

Toy? [28 Sep 2007|09:32pm] I'm so tired. My eyes are really sleepy. I just get my usual kick from playing the yo-yo and then sleepy eyes time for me again. Currently, I am pissed. Pissed because I am not getting what I want. Brat na kung brat pero. Wala lang. Minsan lang yung mga fit na ganito. And nakakaasar siya coz I don't like the feeling AT ALL. Naf-frustrate ako!  I want a yo-yo. A kick-ass yoyo. So I can do my tricks again. So I won't be rusty anymore. And I want a Rubick's cube as well. I miss playing. I miss toys.. TOYS TOYS TOYS. Huhuhuhu. I want that skateboard thing from Toys R Us. I want it BADLY!!! Christmas gift?... Speaking of gifts, I now have my tentative Christmas wish list. Tentative because obviously, it will change and change and change. 1. Skateboard from Toys R Us 2. River Crossing from Landes Hobbes 3. Rush Hour from Landes Hobbes. 4. Kick-ass Rubick's cube from Landes Hobbes 5. Havaianas from Rustan's 6. Sneakers from Vans 7. Rubber shoes from Nike 8. Shirts from Am Blvd 9. Candy from Candy Corner 10. Cap from Adidas Maluho lang eh, ano? Feeling ko ngayon lang yan as in this minute only because I really want toys. Been a while since I enjoyed my time. Hay. // Am I lesbian?

[28 Sep 2007|12:02am] So what's up with today? Everything is intriguing.  Just proves how the world has changed and how people have modified who they want to live the rest of their lives with. Or for some, the people who they want to spend each day with not knowing that 5 years later, they are still together. It's just amazing to see that one by one, people are being honest abut themselves. It makes me smile when I see people who still value their own happiness and not the happiness of other people. I am happy when I hear people say that as long as they are happy, nothing can stop them. See Dad, I don't rationalize. People actually think that way. People will see that we are not different from the rest. Am I lesbian?

[20 Sep 2007|09:17pm] [ mood | crushed ] Fuck nayabangan na tuloy ako sayo. Not supposed to because you are the last person that people would expect to have that kind of attitude but hey, ako ito eh. Forgive me pero please. Ang yabang lang eh. Anyway, yun lang. Had to say it. After all, may mapapagmayabang ka naman talaga. Yun. Ang hot ni Valerie sa isa niyang debut pic. Parang kumabog puso ko kasi ewan. Lagpas kilig? Yucks. Arte ko. Off to Sagada tomorrow at 9pm! Yahoo. So excited. Finally, I'm out of this hell house till Sunday evening. Actually sana Monday evening na ako makabalik.  Meaning I'm wishing na sana makabalik kami ng madaling araw ng Monday so I won't have to go home tas diretso school na. Yahahaha.  Sanfo caramel apples are yummier when one is sad. Tapos pag paubos na, mas sumasarap siya. O baka ako lang yung kasi first time ko? Eh basta. As of now, I want more Sanfo. Because I'm sad. Huhu. Sana kasi madami nalang akong pera. Am I lesbian?

[18 Sep 2007|08:10pm] I have Sanfo. Wala lang. Those caramel apples. They look so good to the eye. And they taste yummy too. I want fries. Kaka-fries ko lang nung Saturday. Pero gusto ko pa. I need a sideline. To earn money. I'm thinking summer job+summer classes. Way toxic ba? I need money. Lots of it. Sa panahon ngayon, mapapaaway ka sa 150. Pramis. Am I lesbian?

[14 Sep 2007|09:20pm] Sarap nalang i-yosi eh. Kaya lang, hindi naman sumasama sa usok yung problema. Kahit makailang stick ka pa at makailang dalawang piso ka pa sa kabibili ng Marlboro, si problema anjan pa din sa utak. Sadyang may mga lugar talaga kung saan ramdam na ramdam mo ang pagod at stress. Isa na si UP Manila dun. Akalain mo nung una, 37 ako. 37 over 100. Edi sige, bummed out ako. Duh. Kasi nagaral ako.  Tas ngayon, tumataginting na 36.5 over 100. Naknamputa. Dapat ok lang kasi hindi naman ako nag-aral masyado kasi di ko naman naintindihan yung tinuro niya. Pero naiyak ako. Mas nafeel ko ang Take 2 sa OrgChem. Tangina. I FAILED again. On a lighter note, I have these growing marks on my hand. Kala ko kagabi tinta lang ng ballpen kasi nagsulat ako sa palad ko. Pero hindi pala. Pagkakaalam ko kasi sabon lang katapat nun eh. Eh itong mga ito, lumalaki na parang kabute. Puta. Anu kaya sila? Am I lesbian?

[03 Sep 2007|10:39pm] Would it have made any difference if she didn't hit her before? Would she be getting a better treatment if she didn't get angry during that first time? Would she get genuine, unrequited love? Wouls she be happier? Would she be respected? Would her arm hurt less? Would it be easier to breathe? To walk? To smile? To sleep? To make goals come true? She never asked for this: the bruises, slaps, kicks and really painful words. Who would be dumb enough to ask for those anyway? She was not a masochist. She asked for love, respect and concern. Love was not established as a mete for pain. If this is love, why the unconventionality? She was told that she was loved almost a year ago. Now she has no idea what that love meant. Was she wrong to assume that her lover's love can overlook flaws? Was it wrong for her to think that her lover saw her differently from others? Isn't it that love transcends all mistakes? Why is it that gradually her lover was trying to change who she really was? The way she sees it now, she's no different from other people that her lover has loved before. Her lover can love anyone because her lover knows that she can change anyone. She's not the one who fits her mold. Nobody fits the lover's mold; the lover tries to make everybody fit by changing them into her ideal. She's no gift from God. She was simply there; she took the chance. See, when anybody loves, change should be negligible already. Why ask for more when one knows that the person is THE person for you? Perfection shouldn't be the goal; it's being successful in showing that one accepts the person. Day by day, the lover tries to change her. The way she acts, speaks, thinks and lives. In the process, the lover makes herself see that she is the one for her. She doesn't blame the lover; it's the perfection mold. She just thought that she was already enough. She showed the real her and the lover said that she loved her. Where is that now? A year and she still hasn't understood the task of appreciating who is there. Time and time again, perfection or rather, the yearning for perfection, strikes. Loving someone does not involve a personality makeover. That's negating oneself when one says "I love you no matter what." That's saying "I love you but I can love anybody else just the same." She saw it, how her lover changed her. If her lover can't love her right now, when will that ever be then? When will the lover see that it's she whom she should love and not the perfect mold that she has?  What is the lover's real purpose then? To change her and drop her when the lover fails? She stays for many reasons and she loves for just one. She loves the lover because she is her. Not once did she try to change the lover's attitude because she knew that she said "I love you for who you are." If pride is the issue, fine. She wanted the lover to lower her pride because she's there already.  She accepted the lover since day one. Why hasn't the lover done the same? A year after, the lover still can't run and appreciate. She wants to believe that love is there but how would she do that if the only thing that comes out of the lover's mouth is rejection? Would it be wrong if she asks the lover not to love her anymore? Because she can't keep on changing. This was who she is. Her body can't take it anymore. Her heart cant' as well. Her mind can't focus at all. If this is her all-time low, the lover put her there. For trying to change the person the person you said you loved, It's painful to try and understand why you still manage to keep the iloveyous going. After everything, now I know that all I've been hearing for one whole year were empty iloveyous. Am I lesbian?

[02 Sep 2007|11:08am] [ mood | Goodness Gracious. ] So I did not study for SocSciI when the first announcement for the exam came. I went to school, unprepared obviously, and found out that the exam won't push through till the Friday after that meeting. I saw it as God's Divine Intervention. But still, I did not study. Friday came, classes were suspended. Divine Intervention yet again. But I did not do anything about it, just stand there amazed at what a prayer can do. Exam on Tuesday next week, my prof said on our Yahoo! Group. Tuesday came, I was still unprepared. I didn't even open my book nor touch its cover. I took the exam. Out of 40 points (with the 10 points as bonus) I left about 10 numbers blank and another 10 with shotgun answers. Exam done. All I could do was pray again.  Exams were returned, I did not look at mine. She did for me. And she wouldn't tell me. During the exam, I didn't know that we had 10 points as bonus so I was thinking that my score ranged from 0 to 20. 15 even. I knew I failed miserably. After 2 days, nalaman ko na. 18. 18 out of 40. Meaning, if he did not give us the 10 points as bonus, I would've gotten an 8 out of 50. Wala. I just cried.  UPM makes you feel so stupid till you can't take it anymore. Then one day you'll just tell yourself that you are indeed stupid and then eventually, you'd quit. I really want to quit now.  And don't even let me start on the Organic Chemistry exam. It was already a special exam. I took it 2 hours after the original batch. 2 hours of study time turned into smoke. I did not study, AGAIN. It was Divine Intervention once more and I did not even care.  Second part was a 50-point problem solving slash analysis part. For the sake of not being labeled as dumb, I wrote stuff on each number. Stuff which I knew would not earn even a point. Just for the sake of not being seen as a blank slate. Mas okay na mali yung sagot ko kesa wala akong isulat. But then again, naisip ko, paano kung sobrang maling-mali yung sagot. Pareho lang pala. Bobo pa din ako, twice over. Magt-take two na ako. Sana may Divine Intervention ulit. This time, hindi ko na sasayangin. Promise. Am I lesbian?

[22 Aug 2007|02:23am] TANGINA MO GAGO. KALA MO LIGTAS KA? ULUL. Am I lesbian?

[25 Jul 2007|11:45pm] Nakakaawa na ako. Di na ako makatulog ng mahimbing. Wala lang. Kung saan-saan na ako natutulog ngayon. Ewan. Nakakapagod na talaga. Literal. Wala pa akong naiipon. Pano ba yan. May nabasa ako. Ayun, nabasa ko siya at pinag-iisipan ko kung ako ba ay may sagot para sa nabasa ko o dedeamahin ko nalang talaga just like what I have always done? May hindi nagrereply ngayon. Hindi tuloy ako makatulog kasi nga walang reply. Kailangan ko ng reply para malaman ko kung ano na gagawin ko sa trabaho na ito. May hindi ako nagawa pero nalimutan ko na kung ano. Parang ayoko pumasok bukas kasi pagod ako. Pagod na pagod na pagod. Naiiyak na ako ngayon dahil sa pagod. Wala bang pwede magmasahe sakin? Please? Swear naiiyak na ako. Walang reply, masakit ngipin ko at yung likod ko. Bumabagsak na mata ko sa kapaguran pero wala akong magawa kasi nga walang reply.  Nakatengga lang ako. I hate the feeling. Again, I AM FUCKIN' TIRED. GUSTO KO NA MATULOG. Am I lesbian?

[18 Jul 2007|11:48pm] You are such a holy bitch.. Like what I said, pray the rosary 10 times over in a day so that you would realize that it is wrong to be a SNAKE. Don't wait for me to edit your picture, put some little red horns on your head, put in a pitch fork and draw a snake tongue out of your little mouth. And then I'd post the picture on Friendster and Multiply where our other batchmates can see what you really are. And again, follow my advice holy bitch. You won't regret it. Am I lesbian?

[09 Jul 2007|01:55am] [ mood | drunk ] Holy fart, I am stressed out. This whole commuting thing is getting to me and the whole Wednesday 1 to 7pm class is really killing me and the everyday-go-home-at-around-7pm thing is also getting on my nerves! Gah!  I want sembreak na. Second sem na. 4th year na. March na. Grad na! Good Lord, give me my graduation day. Pretty please?  Woah hindi ko na talaga kinakaya ito. Ang body clock ko, offically messed up. And I have been going to school for almost a month now and still, my schedule is not yet fixed. When will the torture end??? I hope I don't just pop. I hope I don't. 1 think/s I am | Am I lesbian?

[29 Jun 2007|09:51pm] [ mood | cranky ] Nakakapagod. Yun lang ang masasabi ko at yes magmumura na ako talaga. Putangina. Ang hirap. To sum it all up using just one word, MADAMI. Yun. Sobrang daming kailangan intindihin. Tapos dahil sa mga kailangan intindihin, I end up changing. Di ko na nga kilala sarili ko eh. Nung isang araw, Tuesday yun to be exact, I got home at around 7.30 and I ended up sleeping at 8 pm. Then I woke up Wednesday 8 am since my class is at 1 pm pa. Imagine? 12 hours, tsong! Hindi ako ganun. Never ako naging ganun sa buong buhay ko. I don't like change. Especially when it deals with changing the fucked up me who used to blend with everything while staying the same. Am I lesbian?

[24 Jun 2007|05:23pm] First time ko mag-Calculus. Well, wala pa nga kasi kakatapos lang ng conic sections. May mga ganun pala ano. Mga foci, latus rectum at extremities. Parang parts of the body ano pero hindi sila nakakatuwa.  Nakita ko din si Abby Mendoza at amazingly, magkatugma ang pakiramdam namin tungkol sa pagiging malungkot sa UPM. Actually, gusto ko na bumalik sa Los Baños. Kahit nga ata pag nasa DIliman ako, it won't make any difference eh. I miss LB and that's a fuckin' fact. Nagpapakastrong lang siguro ako kasi mabigat yung load ko this sem. Feeling ko na naman ako si manhid. Sige, magbabasa na ako ng libro. That's all I could do anyway. Am I lesbian?

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]